COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!

SUMMARY

I remember Harvey Milk calling on us all to come out.  I remember my own coming out at 26, and how the coming-out age has become dramatically lower.  Since then, we’ve seen our straight neighbors go from tolerating us to becoming habituated to us and -- in increasing numbers -- accepting us as part of society.  On National Coming out Day we remember those whose coming-out made our own comings-out that much easier, and we pay it forward to those young queerfolk who are even now coming to terms with themselves.

By: Paul S. Marchand
I’m just old enough to remember the late Harvey Milk’s famous admonition: “come out, come out, wherever you are!”  I’m also just old enough to remember a time before National Coming Out Day, which got its start in 1988.

Since then, an entire generation of young queerfolk has come into the world and come out of the closet.  When I first came out to my family in 1990, at the age of 26,, the average age for coming out was 26.  Since then, the average coming-out age has dropped precipitously; in 2010, the average coming-out age was 15 or 16.

Certainly, the lowering of average coming-out ages has been a reflection of society’s increasing cultural acceptance of out queerfolk.  Paradoxically, the epidemic of bullying that seems to be occurring in so many of our middle and high schools may well be less of an actual uptick in bullying per se, and more a reflection of the refusal of victims of bullying to suffer in silence.  As Abraham Lincoln famously put it, “what kills a skunk is the publicity gives itself.”  Bullying thrives when no one stands up to it, but shrinks when the intended victim, rather than turning the other cheek, turns on the assailant and fights back.

Still, coming out remains an act freighted with the most profound ramifications, personal, political, and spiritual.  As queerfolk, we must still navigate a society in which our differencing is not readily apparent to our straight neighbors.  Gay essayist Andrew Sullivan once observed that like the Jewish community, the queer nation cannot be detected merely by looking at it.  We are everywhere, and to those who are uncomfortable with our differencing, the fact that we can “pass” relatively easily represents perhaps the most threatening form of cultural dissidence there is.

Nonetheless, our national conversation about sexuality has advanced by light-years since some of our early sisters and brothers dared speak the love that -- as Lord Alfred Douglas once put it -- dared not speak its name.  Like any marginalized minority group, the queer nation has advanced in steady incremental steps.  From toleration, we have moved to habituation, and now that our straight neighbors have become increasingly habituated to us, we may dare contemplate a time in the not-too-distant future when habituation will give way to outright acceptance.

If today even some of our more conservative straight neighbors can get their metaphorical arms around the idea that Ruth and Naomi or Johnson and David should be able to tie the marital knot, we should always remember that their ability to do so is necessarily a function of our willingness as out people to be honest and aboveboard about who and what we are.

As we answer the call to come out, come out, wherever we are, we not only reinforce the simple truth that closets are for clothes, we also pay back the courage of those who went before us, and we pay it forward for the young queerfolk who, even now, are coming to terms with themselves.

-xxx-

Paul S. Marchand is an attorney who lives and works in Cathedral City, California, where he served on the city Council from 2002 to 2010.  He is a candidate for city council in the current election.  If you aren’t aware that he is an out, loud, and proud gay man, you may want to have your gaydar looked at. The views contained herein are his own, and not necessarily those of any entity or agency with which he is associated.  They are not intended to constitute, and should not be construed as constituting, legal advice.  For more information on Mr. Marchand’s campaign, visit his website at www.PaulMarchand2012.com