SUMMARY: Perhaps the greatest gift that a father can pass on, particularly to a son, is the gift of facing advancing years with serenity and grace. I will always be grateful to my dad for the way he has imparted, and continues to impart, this gift to me and to my family.
By: Paul S. Marchand
Last month, blogging about Mother’s Day gave me cause to think seriously about one of the two most nuanced relationships any human being can have, that of child to mother. It is perhaps the only human relationship that is universal to all of us.
For those of us who have been lucky enough to grow up with fathers, the parent-child relationship --- particularly between fathers and sons --- is equally nuanced.
It’s no secret that far more children in this world grow up in single-mother households than do in single-father households. I’ve known both friends and relatives who have grown up with single moms, and I think it’s safe to say that there are few human personalities as strong as a committed single mother, with the possible exception of single fathers.
My own particular blessing is to have two parents whom I love dearly, but of whom, more importantly, I am tremendously fond. For there is a difference between loving someone and being fond of someone. I’ve always considered being fond of someone to be inherently a relationship between adults, based upon an equality of discourse and views.. As my aunt has put it, “I love my children dearly, but when they became 20 they became people, and that was even better.”
By: Paul S. Marchand
Last month, blogging about Mother’s Day gave me cause to think seriously about one of the two most nuanced relationships any human being can have, that of child to mother. It is perhaps the only human relationship that is universal to all of us.
For those of us who have been lucky enough to grow up with fathers, the parent-child relationship --- particularly between fathers and sons --- is equally nuanced.
It’s no secret that far more children in this world grow up in single-mother households than do in single-father households. I’ve known both friends and relatives who have grown up with single moms, and I think it’s safe to say that there are few human personalities as strong as a committed single mother, with the possible exception of single fathers.
My own particular blessing is to have two parents whom I love dearly, but of whom, more importantly, I am tremendously fond. For there is a difference between loving someone and being fond of someone. I’ve always considered being fond of someone to be inherently a relationship between adults, based upon an equality of discourse and views.. As my aunt has put it, “I love my children dearly, but when they became 20 they became people, and that was even better.”
For me, the greatest gifts for my father may not have been so much the “dad stuff” of my childhood: things like learning how to paint a wall or hang a picture or change a tire. For me, as I teeter on the brink of my sixth decade, the gift from my father that I most appreciate is understanding how to grow older with grace and serenity.
I can see how my dad’s face lights up when my mom enters the room, and how her face lights up to see him. I know whenever I visit that both he and my mom will want to talk about what is happening in our community, our country, and the world. And when we speak of those things, he always applies to them a view informed by an unshakable sense of principle and good sense.
None of us remain static; all of us grow older, and some of us are lucky enough to grow older or old in the embrace of family and friends; my father has been one such man, and for the gifts and skills he passed on to me, for his sense of humor, his sense of fairness, and his commitment to his family, I shall always be tremendously grateful.
There is a quotation from Confucius which comes unbidden to my mind as I think about my dad on this Father’s Day:
“At fifteen my heart was set on learning; at thirty I stood firm; at forty I had no more doubts; at fifty I knew the mandate of heaven; at sixty my ear was obedient; at seventy I could follow my heart's desire without transgressing what is right.”
So, as a man of an age to have “no more doubts,” I can happily say to my dad, and to all the fathers I know, happy Father’s Day.
-xxx-
PAUL S. MARCHAND is an attorney who lives and works in Cathedral City, California. The views expressed herein are his own, and not necessarily those of any entity or organization with which he is associated, and are not intended as, and should not be construed as, constituting legal advice. Nonetheless, you should be nice to your dad, he’s probably the guy who drove mom to the hospital to deliver you.
